Raising Deciders
As parents, we make countless decisions for our children every day—what they’ll wear, what they’ll eat, where they’ll go, even how they’ll spend their free time. And let’s face it, sometimes it’s just quicker and easier that way.
But here’s the thing: learning how to make decisions is a skill. And like any other life skill, it needs practice. It’s a bit like learning to ride a bike—there are a few wobbles in the beginning, but the more opportunities they get, the more confident they become.
Your child may not be an adult yet, but they still deserve a say in their life. In fact, the earlier we start offering choice, the more likely they’ll be able to advocate for themselves and make decisions that reflect who they are when they get older.
Of course, for some children, especially those with autism, ADHD, or anxiety, being asked to make a decision can feel overwhelming. Too many options or too much pressure can lead to frustration or shutdown. And when that happens, we often step in to make the decision for them. It feels like the easier option in the moment—but it also takes away an important learning opportunity.
The good news? We can support choice-making in ways that feel safe and empowering—not stressful. It starts with keeping things simple and making space for small decisions throughout the day.
Letting your child choose between two shirts in the morning. Asking if they’d like grapes or crackers in their lunchbox. Giving them a say in whether they do homework before or after dinner. These tiny choices add up. It’s not about giving over full control—it’s about inviting them into the process and showing them that their voice matters.
And yes, sometimes they’ll choose the itchy shirt. Or they’ll say no to the doctor. Or they’ll change their mind halfway through dinner. That’s part of learning too. Making mistakes is where growth happens.
When we let kids try, when we walk them through decisions instead of deciding for them, we’re giving them something bigger than control—we’re giving them confidence.
Some children benefit from a little extra support to help them process a choice. You might notice they struggle when given too many options, or they freeze when asked a question. In those moments, we can make choice-making more accessible:
Try offering two clear options at a time—this or that.
Use pictures or written words instead of just talking.
Give them a bit of time. Not everyone decides quickly.
Talk it through together. Sometimes they need help understanding what each option means.
And if they pick something unexpected or change their mind? That’s okay too. Learning to make choices includes learning from experience—and that includes making the odd wobbly one.
We often think of choice as just picking between two things—but there’s more to it than that. Children can learn to choose not just what they do, but how they do it, when they do it, where, and even with whom. They can also learn that it’s okay to say “no” to something, or to let someone know when they’re finished.
The point is, choice can show up in lots of ways. And the more variety we offer, the more our children get to practice being part of the decision-making in their own lives.
So next time a choice comes up, pause. Ask. Support. Because these small decisions today are helping them get ready for the big ones tomorrow.
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone—and we’d love to help.
Find out more about our parent training and all about supporting your child to make choices. It’s designed to give you practical tools you can start using right away, no matter your child’s age or ability level. You’ll learn how to offer choice in a way that works for your child, and explore easy ways to build decision-making into your day without feeling overwhelmed.
Because your child deserves to feel heard. And you deserve support that’s realistic, warm, and rooted in real-life parenting.
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